Saturday, December 31, 2011

He's Good

     This is where I was last year. Onething 2010(-2011) It was seriously one of the best New Year's of my life so far. Worshipping, running around the Kansas City Conference Center like crazy people, dancing, joy train, loving others&loving Jesus. I look at this picture, and I realize how much has changed. I mean that in a good way. Take these examples:
Steffen(the guy w/the Joy bomb shirt)&Joanna(the one grabbing his head)had gotten engaged a week earlier. 
Now they are married
Jeremy(the one w/his face squished next to Joanna)&Grace(the one w/glasses) were both single.
Now they are engaged to each other. 
Rebecca(the lovely one making a face between Nicola&Grace)was prayerfully considering going on the World Race(an 11 month,11 country mission trip). 
Now she's in Mozambique on said World Race. 
   So much has changed in 12 months. I've learned a lot of things this year. One of the things I've learned is just how unpredictable God is. He can change everything in a matter of 20 minutes, how much more in a year?! I would be foolish to say that everything is going to stay the same. I know it's not. How things are going to change, I don't know. But I don't have to be overwhelmed by the mystery that is 2012...because I know that the LORD never changes(Malachi 3:6a). I don't know the events of 2012, but I know that whatever happens...

He is faithful.
He is loving.
He is a good father.
He is worthy of praise.
He is holy.
He is wonderful.
His plans for me are to bring me hope and a future, not to harm me.

I know that He is LORD, I know that He is on my side, &I know that because of that 2012 is going to be a good year. Happy New Year!

"They say Aslan is on the move - perhaps has already landed.”..." 'Safe?' said Mr Beaver; 'don't you hear what Mrs.Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'"-C.S. Lewis, The Lion, The Witch&the Wardrobe


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Delighted In

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. 
The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because   he was angry.
Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it.
He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet.
He mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind.
He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him— the dark rain clouds of the sky.
Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
The LORD thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded.
He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning he routed them.
The valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, LORD, at  the blast of breath from your nostrils.
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. (Psalm 18:6-12)
With tears streaming down my face, I took my Bible and chucked it on the table. Tears had been swelling up in my eyes&I had been choking up since I began reading that Psalm and finally they had come through. I hated crying. Crying was for mourning and grieving only as far as I was concerned. Why should I cry because the creator of the Universe loved me? I already knew that! How was that going to help anybody? What was I going to do when people asked me what God taught me on tour? “Well, I cried a lot because God loves me.” Yeah right, that wasn’t happening. With questions flooding my mind, a heart that was actually receiving its first touch of healing (which requires breaking) I went over to a white board in the room I had chosen to spend my devotional time and I spilled my guts. The blurb on the white board took me about an hour to get through. I started writing questions furiously on the board. I eventually slowed down as I didn’t have any answers for my questions. I stared at the board. I tapped my fingers on the wall. I lied down on the floor. I sat down in a chair. I prayerfully pondered the questions and then God started giving me answers and I wrote them on the board (sometimes in the form of another question). The blurb ended with this revelation: “All God wants is for me to let Him love me with no attachments.”
    I was 18 years old on a tour(April 2009) in MO with a drama ministry called Splinter when this happened. At the time, the way I saw it, anytime God spoke to me, I had to be able to share it. Not to say that sharing what the Lord shares with you is always bad…but when it gets to the point where your heavenly Father can’t even say “I love you” without you replying with “What am I supposed to do with that?” then there's a problem. There's a heart issue. So God started healing my heart. He started teaching me how sometimes, like any good parent, He just wants to let His daughter know that He loves her. No attachments. He loves because He delights in me. He likes me. He loves me. That’s all. I don’t have to prove or validate His words to me to other people.
   That’s actually why I didn’t start blogging earlier. I didn’t know how to differentiate between things that God wanted to stay in the secret place for the time being and what was meant to be shared. It took me quite a while to figure that out. I tried to figure it out on my own. I failed miserably. I was still functioning in a “works” mentality so instead of taking time to connect with this God who loved me so deeply in the secret place, I just didn’t talk to people about much of what was going on in my spiritual life at all. That’s what I supposed to do, right? WRONG. A lot of my spiritual condition the fall semester of my freshman year of college (which wasn’t good) was due to that reason. I wouldn’t tell other people what I facing, but I wouldn’t tell God either. So I was just stuck with these problems that just kept getting worse&worse until I broke&finally cried out to God. He finally got through to me by continuing the work that He began on tour. He showed me how much He loved me. Once I started to hear His voice, feel His touch, receive healing, receive freedom…then I started to get how what was to be shared, who to share it with, and what was to stay between me and the Father.
   I can blog now because I know my father’s voice. I know He loves me. I know that He delights in me. I know I can talk to Him about anything and everything I’m feeling and facing. He loves me. And He loves you. And if this blog shouts anything from the rooftops, I pray that the words are something like this…