Friday, January 6, 2012

Jesus Loves Me This I Know...

    Jesus loves me this I know
    For the Bible tells me so
    Little ones to Him belong
    They are weak but He is strong
    Yes, Jesus loves me
    Yes, Jesus loves me
    Yes, Jesus loves me
    The Bible tells me so
    There's nothing like the revelation that Jesus loves you WAAAAAAY more than you thought He did. That's what I've been receiving this break(&there's a little over a week left for more!) and it's been better than I could imagine.
     This past semester was really hard for me. Though much of my semester was WONDERFUL&I'm MAJORLY thankful&happy about it, there was A LOT that hurt. God opened up a lot of wounds that had to be healed that I wasn't even aware I had. There was one night where I felt like I had been rejected by God....hence, I didn't feel loved by God. I sobbed so hard that night(thank the Lord for friends who are willing to sit on the phone w/you from 10pm-12am telling you how God is moving).
      Fast forward 3&1/2 weeks later. I had seen how God was moving in my life, how He cared about my heart, how beautiful my minas were, and much, much more. It was so beautiful and so joyful. But I still had a hard time relating to Him as a good Father when I would encounter things that I didn't understand, or confused me, or touched on those wounds. In those moments, when I asked things of the Lord for myself, all I could articulate was "Please show me how much you love me. Show me you love me."
     On New Years Day, the experience of His love began to break through. I had texted my friend Kristen, requesting prayer about some fears I was facing. One thing I love about my friends is that we "Text Pray" for each other. Kristen sent me a "Text Prayer". Normally I'm used to a 2 text-long prayer. This one was 5. After I got past the surprise of a 5 text response, I really read the texts. The first sentence said, "Jesus, I ask You right now would you open up Alicia's mind and heart to receive revelation about Your love for her." My heart started burning. After I got past the confusion of "My heart is burning after reading a text" I turned my focus on attention to Jesus, not the fears I was grappling with. I listened to Justin Rizzo's song, "Found Faithful." To my surprise, as I listened to the chorus, "I want to be found faithful. I want to be found steady. I want to be found faithful until the end", tears started swelling in my eyes. I had no clue why. I took a deep breath and thought to myself, "Resting Place tomorrow night is going to be one of those nights." As I talked with God, He said to me, "I am going to show my love to you in a way so that you will not doubt that I love you ever again. You may still have moments where you do not understand, but you will  not doubt who I am and that I love you." Something big was coming for me.
      Indeed, Resting Place was "one of those nights". I didn't know if it was going to be one of those nights where Jesus met me at the door&said, "Hello. My  name is Jesus. I'm going to rip your heart out now." or if it was going to be one of those nights where I was intoxicated with joy or some kind of combination. It was one of those nights where Jesus poured His love, joy&healing all over me.
      I could feel the Holy Spirit moving on my heart and at one point in the beginning of the service I thought to myself, "This night is for me." I brushed the thought sounded selfish. Moments later, Kristen put her hands on my shoulders and began praying over me. One of the first things she said was,  "This night has been set apart for you..." I smiled to myself. I wasn't selfish...I just knew the sound of my Father's voice.
      It was a wonderful night. The Holy Spirit was thick in the room and embracing my heart. Joy broke out during "No One Else" and especially so for me when "Whom the son sets free is free indeed! And there ain't no chains that hinder me, Hallelujah!" was sung out(out of nowhere I just started dancing).
    Some of the most beautiful, healing moments was when Kristen received new revelation about Scripture...while praying for me."When Moses met God in the burning bush, God tells Moses to take off His shoes because the place where he was standing was Holy ground. The reason why they wore sandals was to protect their feet. And God was saying to Moses that he was safe. He was standing on holy ground. And that's what He's saying to you. He says that you are standing on holy ground. You can take down your walls of protection. You are safe here because you are in His presence."..."I break off the lie that says you don't trust God. You do trust God, because you keep taking everything to Him! You have doubt and you have fear. He says He's not mad at you. You're like the woman in Song of Solomon when she hears Him at the door and she hesitates to answer. And when she goes to the door He's not there and she thinks He's left her. And she goes out into the city looking for Him and she gets beat up...and that's like when you get sand kicked in your face(a phrase that I use to describe getting hit with something that hurts me). He's been waiting for you, He hasn't left you. He's not mad at you for going into the wilderness because He knows that you were looking for Him."  I almost start crying when I think of these words, partially because of how much they touched&began healing in my heart. The other part is because...He knows me SO WELL. Both of those words are from stories that have held a special fascination in my heart since the moment I read them. He knows what will get my attention. When I hear her excitedly tell other people about the revelation she received, I smile partly in excitement for her,&also because I feel so loved by God that He gave her those revelations...for me.
    I felt God's love through other people when MaryGrace slipped a tissue into my hand as I cried on Kristen's shoulder, when I received affirming words from spiritual parents, and while goofing off with MaryGrace and George.
    I experienced Christ's love. I hadn't had a night like that for a long, long time. I was perfectly content in His prescence and dwelling in His love. That's all I cared about. Sure,the things going on in my life are important&require attention....but His love is what my life is ABOUT.
     Kristen lent me a book called, "The Divine Romance" by Gene Edwards(I recommend it to EVERYONE) which I read the next day. No, I didn't just start reading it, I read the entire thing. I read this 63 chapter book in a day's time. Stated simply, it's a Biblical fiction novel of the story of Christ's pursuit of His bride..the church. I cant get into the entirety of the book and what it did for me(future post perhaps...?), but at the same time I have to mention it, because it gave me so much healing and so much revelation about Jesus and His love for me. I received revelation about the spiritual significance of my physical body, how Christ fights for me, His kindness, His humility, His power, His LOVE, and so much more. I laughed, trembled, gasped, yelled, worshiped, and almost cried multiple times as I flipped through the pages. He loves me. He loves me SO MUCH. I will not always understand what He does. But I know He loves me. And that makes all the difference.
    Writing this blog was interesting. Because...summed up...I'm just saying that I learned that Jesus loves me. I almost feel weird stating something so obvious&something that I have known for such a long time. But after the revelations I've's like I might as well have not known. And I'm so thankful that I know now&eagerly await the next revelation of His love for me. Ha! You think it's over now? No way. Yes, Jesus loves me, this I know. His love is everlasting, so there is ALWAYS more love for me to know.  For the rest of my life(on this earth AND in eternity!), I get to receive new revelations of deeper levels of His love for me. I'm so excited!
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me...

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