Friday, February 10, 2012

"That Girl is Strange but Special..."

A week ago, I got gold dust all over my right hand while taking notes on rhetoric
On Saturday I was looking up articles for my research project and I came across an article titled: “"Oh, I See.... ": The Birds and the Culmination of Hitchcock's Hyper-Romantic Vision. “. Intrigued, I emailed it to myself. It doesn’t apply to my topic. I just want to read it.
I discovered that I find the library rather peaceful.
I would much rather sit and do little to nothing in music rehearsal for “13” than watch TV in my dorm room.
During the superbowl, I was taking notes on my phone during the commercials so I could eventually make a post about them on my COM105(Mass media) blog.
Someone came to my COM105 class to talk about the Oregon Extension program. I wasn’t interested, but then the speaker mentioned that the students don’t read text books but actual books. For a split second, just split second, I was intrigued. Books?? I want to read books!!
Later on in class, my COM105 professor began discussing idealogy and discourse. He posed the question, “Why do we like things? Why do we like what we like?” That’s such a cool question! I didn’t know we could ask questions like that! I didn’t even think to ask!!
I realized how badly I want to analyze film with other people.
I’m super organized this year and it makes me super happy.
I know that I prefer qualitative research over quantitative research.
My GPA is 3.737
                I say all this to say, that on Tuesday I received a releasing revelation about myself!....
                                                                I’m a nerd!!!
I know that sounds really dumb. I've had a few people chuckle and say, "You just figured this out now?" Well, yeah! I did! And it's not JUST about being a nerd, though that's a big chunk of it. 
About a month ago, I went to go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D with my best friend Grace. The opening song is entitled “Belle”. Though I’ve heard this song a million times and know the words by heart…for the first time…I got it…
Look there she goes that girl is strange, no question
Dazed and distracted, can’t you tell?
Never part of any crowd, ‘cause her head’s up on some cloud
No denying she’s a funny girl, that Belle…
Look, there she goes that girl is so peculiar, I wonder if she’s feeling well
With a dreamy, far off look and her nose stuck in a book,
What a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle…
But behind that fair facade, I’m afraid she’s rather odd
Very different from the rest of us…
Look there she goes that girl is strange but special
A most peculiar mademoiselle
It’s a pity and a sin, she doesn’t quite fit in
But she really is a funny girl, a beauty but a funny girl, she really is a funny girl, that Belle!
I’m Belle. I wanted to cry. I totally saw myself in Belle and I heard people’s comments and thoughts of me in the townspeople (with the exception of Gaston…praise GOD I’ve never had a Gaston in my life).Part of the beauty of art is being able to identify something about yourself in the piece. God was totally using my medium to talk to me.  
                My Dad used to say that “Alicia marches to the beat of a different drummer. Problem is, not only does no one else hear it…it’s off-beat.” In case you didn’t know, I’m kind of a weird person. I lived on my own planet when I was a child and I’ve always been…unique. It’s not that I’m not surrounded by people who love immensely and it’s not like NO ONE understands me but I don’t always feel understood. There is a string in my heart that is plucked when Belle as she sings, “And for once it might be grand to have someone understand…”
                At Resting Place one night over the summer, we had a fire tunnel (a fire tunnel is when there are two lines of people who face each other, others walk through between the two lines and as they walk they get prayed over). I vividly remember my friend Daniel praying over me,
                “God is going to show you the libraries of His heart.”
                The libraries of His heart. The library. I’m like Belle…and Belle…loves the library.
He understands.
He gets me. The revelation that I was a nerd wasn’t just releasing because it was yet another step in being OK with who I am…but because I knew He was crying out,
                “She’s getting it! She’s getting it! She knows who she is! And she knows that I love who she is! She’s FINALLY starting to understand!! She’s finally starting to understand that I want her to be herself! She’s finally starting to understand that I find joy in who she is because I made her the way she is! And she’s finding joy in who she is as well! Look there she goes! That girl seems strange to some…oh, but she’s so, so special to me!”

No comments:

Post a Comment